I WANT ...

I want every member of Congress who’s jerking us around, to be jerked out of office--and that also applies the President of the United States. I'm sick and tired of Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, John Kerry, Chuck Schumer, and the rest of the democrats and republicans, who put party before country; who lie, who cheat, who are unfaithful to their wives, children and constituents. I want to snatch a knot in their heads.

I want term limits for all of the bums in Congress. I want their pay docked, for every day they go into the Capitol building and do nothing!

I want to kick Barbara Boxer in the seat of the pants, for reprimanding a courageous American General, on national television, for calling her "mam".

I want the American people, not the politicians in Congress, to decide whether or not members of Congress should get a pay raise. The only raise I want them to get is the one they'll get when I kick them in the seat of the pants. They should not receive raises collectively; they should be given raises, individually, based on merit.

I want philandering Republican Governor Sanford to catch a plane back to, and stay, wherever he went, for six years, to have sex with that floozy who, like himself, does not recognize, nor respect, the sanctity of marriage.

I want you to know that I'm sick and tired of seeing Obama on television every time I turn it on. If he wants to be on television all the time he should audition for a reality show or a soap opera on TV.

I want to see Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Fred Thompson, and Sarah Palin in the Oval office.

I want a National Day of No Complaints, established to recognize the beautiful, healing, restorative power of not complaining every freekin‘ minute of every freekin‘ day!. I've heard minorities complain until I feel like freekin’ throwing up ---- on them!

I want you to know that one of my best friends in the army was a black piano player, in the band I played with at the El Morocco Kasbah Lounge, on Bragg Blvd., in Fayetteville, N.C., in 1969. I gave him a ride home from the club many nights.

I want you to know that I am not a racist; and I have never been a racist. I love black people. I love all "ese's": the Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, and Pekinese. I love all the "cans": the Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Africans, Texicans, and pecans.

I want you to know that my ancestors never owned slaves; but they WORKED like slaves. In the 1920's, my widowed grandmother told her four boys to stay in the house, on a Saturday, while she walked down the dirt road, in front of her house, looking for work to earn money to feed them.

I want you to know that my daddy and his brothers were placed in homes until my grandmother could afford to bring them back home. Where my dad stayed, the husband forced my dad to do chores and the sorry-excuse-for-a-human being beat the living hell out of my dad---a lonely, frightened, dispossessed 9-year-old away from home and everyone he loved. While carrying two pales of milk, that my dad had just milked from a cow, a dog ran up from behind and started licking the milk. For that, my dad received another beating from this beautiful human being.

I want to line our southern border with half-starved pitbulls, Rottweilers, and German Shepherds and watch illegal aliens try to cross over into the United States.

I want to tar and feather the next jerk who makes another stupid, hate-filled remark about Sarah Palin and her children.

I want to know that, like the Tin Man, in The Wizard of Oz, David Letterman, too, will someday find a heart.

I want you to know what I think about the latest feel-good cause. Go green? Go suck on a pine tree!

I want you to know that Halle Berry is freekin' beautiful. Michelle Obama freekin' ain't!

I want you to know that Nancy Pelosi always looks nervous like a chihauhau that just got its gonads slammed with a screen door.

I want you to know that Michelle Obama should spend the hundreds of dollars she spends on single meals, in hotels, on a decent dress.

I want Al Gore to shut up about global warming. Global warming? Ask some of the people in areas of the U.S. where they've experienced record-breaking low temperatures in winter. They'll tell Al Gore and Obama where they can stick their globes.

I want to meet a politician with that rarest of traits---humility.

I want to hear a minister pray to God instead of to the congregation.

I want to see, just for the heck of it, Barack Obama’s birth certificate.

I want to, uh, see, uh, President, uh, Obama, uh, make a speech, uh, without, uh, a teleprompter, uh.

I want to live long enough to see another phenomenom like Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, the Beatles, and Michael Jackson.

I want to see a comedian, like Jack Benny, Red Skelton, and Johnny Carson (who were as funny as funny gets), who doesn’t use rapid-fire expletives every time he opens his mouth.

I want to see all the members of ACORN in a nut vise.

I want to see a cure for cancer, in my lifetime.

I want to sit in a doctors waiting room and see a well-mannered child. One who’s not tossing toys across the room, not screaming, and not walking, ceaselessly, throughout the waiting room, touching everything and everyone in sight.

I want to see more parents acting like adults rather than acting like their children.

I want to see a modern movie without the name of the Lord taken in vain---over and over and over and over.

I want to thank Glenn Beck and ask God to bless him for the work he is doing to (1) expose Obama's campaign and determination to make America a Socialist nation, (2) to expose the corruption of ACORN, (3) to try return America back to the way it was before Obama and the democrats starting turning it upside by grabbing power through stimulus packages, and (4) to spread the word that Obama is doling huge amounts of money and favors to the same businesses that made large donations to his presidential campaign.

I want to see Obama do one thing to make me believe that he is, as he has claimed, a Christian.

I want to see Obama go to church, just once, when he is not campaigning for an office.

I want to know if the people who opened their purse strings to pay for Obama’s Harvard education are now pulling HIS strings.

I want people -- especially young people -- to stop looking -- every four years --for a pop-star celebrity to be the President of the United States. Celebrities make bad celebrities for goodness sake! And you want one as your president?!

I want you to know that our government could not care less than it does about us, the American people. If it did, it would not allow Sonia Sotomayor to become a Supreme Court justice, after the many revelations of her hateful, bullying behavior and racist speech on the bench.

I want you to know that, if we could convert Sonia Sotomayor’s rapid eye-blinking, while she’s lying to the country, into electricity, we could power New York City for a week.

I want to follow the lead of black Americans, in creating a (1) Miss White America pageant (like the Miss Black America pageant), (2) a WET network (White Entertainment Television network, like the BET network (Black Entertainment network), (3) a White History Month, like the Black History Month, and lastly, (5) a national shut-down-the-government-for-a-day holiday, for a person of color-- a white person--like Michael Jackson, or George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, currently celebrated annually, with mattress sales. Or how about that white slacker Albert Einstein (gained US citizenship, in 1940), or slain John Fitzgerald Kennedy and Robert Kennedy. Maybe Ronald Reagan who is responsible, in part, for the fall of the Berlin Wall. What about Audie Murphy, most decorated soldier in America history. Let us have one, please, pretty please.

I want to thank all the girls I’ve loved, who loved me in return.

I want to thank all of the musicians and singers, with whom I’ve shared the love of music, with whom I’ve played music, throughout the years.

I want to thank God for my parents, sisters, and brother, and my extended family of relatives, who love/loved me unconditionally.

I want to thank my parents and grandparents for instilling in me a love, concern, compassion, and respect, for my fellow man.

I want to thank God for giving me the sweetest mother in the world.

And --- I, Allen Ball, want to thank you all -- the readers of my column. Though we may not often agree, I still love you, brothers and sisters, of this planet called earth, in the Spirit of God Almighty. Atheists won’t understand this. It is part of the heritage of the righteous.


© Copyright ALLEN BALL ENTERPRISES 2009