LUCRETIA

Lucretia received a thunderous round of applause from the males in the bleachers whenever she performed her high-leg kicks during her debut as a cheerleader for the opening game of the new basketball season at Remo Leatherwood High. A member of the Honor Society and the drama club, Lucretia was a staunch, vocal opponent of "barbaric high-heel shoes" and any kind of restrictive underwear. --"EARTHLINGS ARE CRAZY AS HELL!", by Allen Ball